Memories and thanks from my first thanksgiving.
uihrfosdlfsadf blerrrrggghg. Hate feeling like this.
Had a very frustrating chat with a friend earlier who works at the same place I do but in a different, higher, capacity. Essentially the company had 2 openings. She recommended me for one and another friend of ours for another, and confided in me that she had put me forward for the one that she believed to be the higher/better role, as our other friend had only just graduated his BA at the time and had no office experience, whereas I had loads and a masters. Turns out she got it the wrong way round and had put him forward for the better higher role, and me forward for a lower position. So they interviewed him for the better role, and gave him the job. Then they interviewed me and didn’t give me the role because it turns out that the position she had put me forward for was actually a tele-sales position and I didn’t have enough hard sales experience and that was vital for the cold-call style position I had been put forward for. So they offered me a role as an intern…Working under my friend straight out of uni, who had just got the job as team leader for the interns. It may have been the final nail in the coffin that contained my almost non-existent pride, and I said yep, because, what other choice did I have? I was desperate to come off the dole. Beggars cannot be choosers.
So the job is a paid internship (minimum wage). The term internship should be used very loosely here, because the level of work I’m doing is not in any way contributing to my current skillset or challenging me. As in, about 70% of my time thus far has been spent putting things in envelopes and sending them out to a 1000 schools. Or formatting cast lists on word documents. Or making a few phonecalls a day and asking for the number of ticket sales and then writing it down. Then folding tshirts.
Anyway, this friend who had initially put me forward asked me today how i was finding the experience.. I chose my words carefully, cause I’m aware that she’s above me at work, and that I’m even lucky to have something and that it was kind of down to her that I got it anyway. I said I was so glad to be getting out of the house, and doing stuff, and loved the people there, but that I wasn’t really learning much, considering it’s meant to be an internship, all things considered.
And she sort of paused and said, ‘what not even like office etiquette, or like dealing with clients and multi-tasking organisational things and how to deal with people?’
And I just couldn’t believe it. It was like she ACTUALLY thought that I had no idea of this stuff before this. As though I’d never worked in an office. Or for a theatre organisation. Or managed my life.
I had to stop myself from saying ‘may i remind you that while you were still in your final year of Uni, i WAS doing all that stuff, in an office, and on an international scale, and did so for 8 months. that’s how I earnt my money to do the SAME MASTERS COURSE AS YOU and then go on to do a 6 month internship in a theatre, where again, I WAS DOING ALL THAT STUFF AND MORE.
But no. I just smiled and said a vague ‘maybe’.
What else can you do? Not 3 months ago, this chick was telling me that I should be getting higher positions than some of our other friends, and now… Well, I get that she may be trying to put a positive spin on it for whatever reason- but I had already done that. I had acknowledged the positives about being out of the house and the people and the environment. I was making a very valid point, not just about the company and my role within in but about how the term ‘internship’ is used these days.
But rather than just being a friend and being like ‘yo, i totally get you, that aspect must be frustrating for someone who’s clearly a bit overexperienced for the role AND WHO I INITIALLY WANTED TO PUT FORWARD FOR A WAY HIGHER job’ she just opted to pretend as though stuffing flyers into envelopes for 2 months has enriched my skillset and CV and that I should have learnt something from it.
She then also went on to say something along the lines of ‘i guess its the kind of thing that someone who really WANTS to work would appreciate and who really feels grateful to have would learn from’.
And I just shut up. Because I was too shocked and hurt that she was insinuating that it was somehow down to my ungratefulness and laziness that I wasn’t getting anything out of a position where my primary task is to pack stuff and seal it.
I don’t know. Perhaps I’m being paranoid/hyper sensitive. Or maybe she’s right.
Who knows. If enough people tell you you’re not good enough or rubbish or ungrateful or whatever you start to believe it, you know?
MY VISION’S BEEN COMPROMISED!!
One of my favs.
At a pub by Hampstead Heath. Waiting for a friend. It’s really sunny. I’m very happy.
London ain’t so bad…